A weekend as a girl (part one)

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Celty Sturluson from Durarara

A WEEKEND AS A GIRL (Part One)

Foreword

For the sake of those of you that are just now tuning in to this story, I'm going to explain what I've been doing this weekend. If what I've been doing is not news to you, skip ahead to the next sub-heading. For the rest of you ... Between October 30th to November 1st, Comic Con happened in Sweden for the second year in a row. Following the end of last year's event, some friends and me started talking about conventions in general, the setting and the atmosphere, and we agreed that it's likely that the experience differ between genders.

Being one that rarely stops short of a challenge, I took it upon myself to during Comic Con 2015 in Sweden attend as a woman instead of as a man, and I have now done so. I went as the Japanese fictional character Celty Sturluson, from the manga and anime Durarara. The purpose of this weekend, was to see just how different the experience was as a woman, from as a man. In order to achieve a fair result in this study, I of course had to make it convincing. So I invested, and according to friends and strangers alike, I did a good job at convincing my surrounding that I was a female.

With that said, let's get into the weekend itself. 

WHY CELTY STURLUSON?

It was an incredibly easy decision to make, because she's a character I've dreamed of cosplaying ever since I first saw the anime. Why was she perfect for this weekend? Because she's got it all. A shape that makes it clear that there is a female underneath that suit, and a personality that would inspire respect with the strongest among us. She can kick your ass if you cross her. She's tall enough that my height matches hers, she has the most adorable helmet, and above all else ... she's mute (She's got no head. She wears the helmet so not to freak everyone out). I won't have to speak, which would be an immediate giveaway of my actual gender. Throughout the weekend, I communicated using a small whiteboard and body language. Because the character is mute, I had a very viable excuse never to speak myself.

Aliens live among us. Is your friend green on the inside?

Experiment aside, there are many reasons for why I wanted to cosplay Celty. Not only because she's a bad-ass character, or because the show isn't as known as it deserves to be. It's because she's a character that can tickle the  humor of people in a convention. She's a gentle, loving character that just happens to  be a grim reaper. 

Additionally, she's a character with a very tangible flaw, which makes her an amusing character to observe. She's immensely xenophobic when it comes to extraterrestrials, and is very impressionable in certain regards. After having watched a crappy documentary one night, Celty becomes convinced that there are aliens in the world. Were Celty ever to attend a convention, I am utterly convinced that she'd be the first to warn the public about the risk of an alien invasion.

Worth noting is that she does this out of love for humanity, and not out of hate towards aliens. Initially, her fear of alien was a healthy thing, but following a particularly scary sci-fi horror movie, Celty's fear of aliens fully bloomed. I played on this throughout the whole convention, and it was very popular.

IMPORTANT FACTORS TO CONSIDER!

That three days isn't enough comes as no surprise to anyone. I certainly didn't think it would be enough, but while it indeed wasn't, it gave me plenty of experiences that are worth writing about. This isn't the last time I'm going to perform this experiment, and Celty isn't the last female character I will wear, so expect more parts to this voyage in the future. 

Anyway, are some things that I had to consider, and that  I want all of you reading to consider: 

• I am a man. This means that there are things I will react to, and there are things that I won't react to. I went into this experiment fully aware that the life I have lived will butt in. As with all the people in the world, I am biased. I have expectations, prejudices and sexuality. This did and always will impact the way I interpret something,  experiment or not.
• While I am a man, I am frequently mistaken for a female online, and I have always been somewhat drawn to elements in life that are traditionally considered feminine. My favorite color is pink. I rather watch stories about princesses than knights. While I tend to gravitate towards male company, I have always been more comfortable communicating with females, because I have always felt more of an affinity towards the feminine gender. This is important to understand, because while the online life and basic social interaction doesn't compare to the life a woman lives, it still means that I have a certain level of intimacy with the female gender, on a platonic, familiar level. I am someone friends often confide in, and I have been the target of sexism towards females online.
• When choosing my cosplay and eventually constructing it, it is important to note just how much work I put into the shape of her. I wore a balaclava to hide my throat (and to give the illusion of being headless). I specifically chose a catsuit that received a lot of reviews saying "it shows your figure very clearly". Underneath, I wore a push-up bra, which I stuffed with socks within socks, which I kneaded and folded for a long while to get the right shape, this giving me notable breasts front and center. I had a corset AND waist trainer underneath, slimming my belly. For thighs and rump, I had insertions that gave me a rather curvy figure. Why is this important? Because it showed! The work gave result, and I achieved a certain level of model body. I needed it to show that I was female, and I took it a step further, essentially creating an ideal shape according to the standards of a great many people. (To be honest, even I thought I looked freaking hot. I always kept checking myself out in mirrors). Why is this important? Because it's the sexual fantasy for a lot of people. In this costume, I am not representing all of womankind, as much as I wish that I was. I exploited a beauty ideal to grab at attention, because as much as anything else, this experiment was a stress test. Where does eyes wander? What does people say? Where do people reach? The costume was chosen to push at decency through pull on sexuality.
• I spent the convention with my amazing friends. I was almost always in the company of someone else, and often a male (a large and strong one at that). While this shouldn't be a factor, the reality of today makes it so. This means that a lot of incidents that could have happened, never did. Hands chose not to wander, and distance was sometimes kept. I know this, because I saw it. One more  good thing about my helmet, was that the peripheral was amazing! I'm not going to beat around the bushes regarding the impression the presence of my male friend gave. We could easily have been mistaken for a couple.  Take this in consideration as I review the weekend, because it's probably one of the most important points. I was very rarely separated from the herd, so I was very rarely out on the hunting ground.
• It was Comic Con. Families, mature adults and staff at virtually every corner. We had the freaking military walking around, and at least one dude patrolling the main floor appearing to be special forces. The perverted, groping sort won't be found in abundance. Getting thrown out would be the least of your worries if your hands wandered in the wrong way, near the wrong people. That's not saying I didn't experience any, but we'll get to that. It's just important that you understand the sense of security the floor radiated. Did it make me feel perfectly at peace? No. But it's still important to consider.
• Last, but not least: I was mute. This can be looked at from two primary angles, and I will include both in this point, because I considered both during the convention. FIRST, being mute means the inability to protest. I never broke silence among people, no matter what. This of course meant slowed communication, or barely any communication at times. It also meant so not to clog the flow of people, I simply consented to this and that, because stopping to write something would've been a nuisance to the crowd. Me shaking my head and such was often respected, but not always, perhaps not always seen, or poorly interpreted because of how loose my helmet was on my head. So there were times when being mute felt like it was actively working against womankind. SECOND, being mute is quickly perceived as a handicap, and humanity is often quick to feel sorry for someone that has it worse off than you. In the same way that silence might trigger someone into action, another might choose to be extra respectful because of it.
• Despite my intention with the costume, I actually made an effort not to provoke sexual reactions of any sort when I was on the floor. I often moved in a shielded manner, I often cared about how I stood, and how I posed. I did this in honor of the character, because it was more important for me to stay true to the character in every regard, than to trigger reactions. I of course also did it, because I wasn't particularly interested in actually arousing people. It wasn't the purpose, and I didn't in any way want to make it seem as though I chose a costume for the purpose of flaunting a body. It wouldn't have felt right to go about teasing people, and not because I'd be ashamed to do it (because if I had been a character whose personality was the type, I likely would have), but because that's not how women traditionally behaves at a convention, and I wouldn't have gotten accurate results. I often carried the whiteboard in front of my breasts, because that was an accessible height for people to read at. This resulted in people sometimes mistaking me for a man, but I felt no urge to correct them. Most would note their mistake as I passed, something I often was within hearing of, but it's important that you understand that while I wanted to be perceived as female, throughout the whole experiment, I never intentionally made a point of it. I never moved my breasts up in someones face for a reaction, and I never wiggled for the sake of wiggling. 

These are just a few of the many factors that played a part in why this experiment will have its ups and downs, its hits and its misses. I realized rather early into it that it won't be as black and white as I had first expected. I realized that I wouldn't be able to just say that it's better or worse to be female at a convention. I won't pervert this review by pretending that it's as simple as a yes or no question. I went into this with the intention of finding the differences, and that's exactly what I'm going to discuss. Not everything I'm going to say in this review is going to be popular, and much of it won't be agreed upon, but that won't keep me from saying it. 

What you need to understand about my approach here, is that in a review regarding the difference in experience between genders, I need to look at both sides of the coin. How am I treated as a man, compared to a woman? Not just how I am treated as a woman compared to a man. How do I normally experience a convention? How did I experience it this time? How much of my experience was because I was female? How much was because of the character I was, compared to the ones I usually cosplay? What atmosphere does Celty bring to any scene? There's also the need to acknowledge mistakes I've made, that might have shattered the illusion for someone, who acted according to new information acquired.

I intend on writing one part of this review per day, likely up to a sum of five parts (I have a lot to write about). I am wrapping this part up here, because I can't think of what more to include as foreword (and it is getting really late). If I think of something by the time of tomorrow's post, I will probably include a small foreword for that post as well. Otherwise, tomorrow's post will almost exclusively detail the differences in experience between being a male at a convention, and being female. I have not yet decided on exactly what format I will write the observation in, but it's likely going to be a point by point address. 

For now, I thank you for reading and I hope you will be back tomorrow night for the next addition to my "A weekend as a girl" review. Take a gander at this snuggle picture as a reward for having made it this far! I hope to have you back again tomorrow.

Photo taken by my friend Mattias. Thank you! And thanks The Stig and Chiefbacca for your warming presence!